Let's get to freakin'

Ok I promised that it was coming...

Let's take it back to when i first realized that I was a freak. It's 1997 and I am living on campus in San Diego. I was always horny for some reason. Maybe if was the new found freedom of being on my own. Maybe it was just in me to wanna fuck! Whatever the case....It was time to be on and cracking!!

I had a man but that wasn't enough for me considering he lived in the Valley, 3 hrs away. Now I know what you thinking...this heffa was cheating...no i didn't but I realized he was going to have to step up his game!

I did alot of chatting with other brothers. Even had one that i spent the night with occasionally...but my heart was still with my sweetheart so I had to suppress all these urges to get busy with the other brothers...man...talk about tough. But I didn't suppress that urge to do some mad flirting. Nasty talk was all I ccould do to deal with my sexual frustrations. AOL was my best friend...yeah...loser...I know!

Aol connected me with my son's father...a man whom I chatted with on a regular basis and once I realized he was down with the get down, I was unstoppable. I wasn't into cheating on my man so I did what any other trifling freak with a warped sense of satisfactions would do...I broke up with him. MY son't father and I started getting busy on a regular...when he was in my town or I in his. Let's just say...that's when the freak officially came out. We did it everywhere and in every way. Nothing like the high school stuff I was use to...naw...we was on some of that girls gone wild type shit!

Now the story gets good....get ready......

IT’S FUNNY HOW WHEN YOU TAKE TIME TO LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE OF THINGS,
YOU CAN COME TO REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE BEN DENYING YOURSELF OF SO MUCH HAPPINESS. YOU HAVE ALLOWED YOURSELF TO SETTLE FOR THOSE THINGS THAT CREATE COMFORT AND REQUIRE VERY LITLE THOUGHT. I FINALLY FOUND THE COURSE TO ADMIT TO SOMEONE THAT I HAVE LOVED THEM FOR YEARS. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE TO WANT SO MUCH TO BE LOVED BUT RAN FROM IT EVERY CHANCE I GOT. I DIDN’T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT CAME WITH LOVING SOMEONE. DIDN’T WANT ANYONE TO LOVE ME BECAUSE I THEN FELT OBLIGATED TO LOVE THEM BACK. THAT IS TOO MUCH WORK. BUT I KNEW THAT IF I DIDN’T TELL THIS PERSON HOW I REALLY FELT, I WOULD LOSE HIM. NOT SO MUCH THAT I WOULD LOSE HIM AS MY MAN, BUT AS HIS FRIEND. MY QUESTION TO MYSELF IS HOW DO YOU BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE THAT HOLDS YOUR HEART SO TIGHTLY? HOW DO YOU DRAW A LINE THAT SHOULD NO LONGER BE CROSSED FOR THE SAKE OF MAINTAINING THAT FRIENDSHIP WHEN THEY HAVE ENTERED YOUR SOUL…WHEN THEY HAVE WRITTEN THEIR NAME ON A SECTION OF YOUR HEART? I WRESTLE WIT THIS. LEAVES ME TORN...

God granted me the serenity to accept the things I could not change, courage to change the things I could and wisdom to know the difference.

Ok so I figured it would be at least about a week before he would contact me...hold up, need to back up a taste..
I decided that I couldn't hold it in until next week. I was fuming and I needed to get to some things off my chest, soooooo I decided that the best way to get my point across without being interrupted (which is my pet peeve) would b eto write an email...two to be exact...one to him and one to her ass (ole stank ass ho). Of course she didn't respond to hers. Hell, what could she say!!!!
Now I have evolved quite a bit, I usually vent about what you did, pray about it (hell, freaks have religion too), forgive you, and move on....this situation was to be no different. I simply advised the two of them that I was aware of the fact that they fuckd. Because of the distrust, he and I could no longer be together as a couple but I agreed that I would continue to stay and we would just be on platonic terms. He would still continue to take my son to school and the usual program would continue. I don't have the time nor energy to be upset. Let's just move on....his response was that of which I expected, everything was my fault. "Had you just came to talk to me, I would ahve explained why I did what I did!" Fuck you, ain't no fucking excuse...you FUCKED yourself in the process of trying to fuck me when you made the decision to fuck that ugly broke BITCH! (Those of you that are lost, please refer to my previous two post)
Ok so back to what I was saying in the beginning. This nigga called me the same night and was sending me text messages (haven't you learned ur lessons???? Stop creating fucking paper trails stupid. He's all apologizing and I am like "hey, nigga it's all good.! No hard feeling! Well the problem is, prior to him having time to think things through, he had sent me an email earlier that day pretty much telling me fuck me. Now the nigga on the phone simping...

you should have breathed first homie

. Safe to say, he is realizing that he needed me mor than I ever needed him!!! Revenge is so much sweeter when I don't have to do a damn thing but sit back and watched you dig your own grave!

still fuming...

Ok, so I thought that I could wait until after my family reunion to address this issue but i cant lay next to someone for that length of time and not say anything. Hell, i don't even want this mofo to touch me. but I knew that I wouldn't be able to completely state what I needed to say to him if i confronted him. Instead, I gathered all of the proof I needed and sent him an email of the fucking conversation he had with this bitch and an email letting him know that I think he is foul...
Ok so let me back up just a bit (trust me, once this shit has blown over, I will share the freak nasty stuff). This relationship has been rocky from day one but I was always determined to make it work. He has done things in his past, as have I. But I don't typically hold it over his head like he does with me. Anyway, A while back, he and I realized that we are really freaks. We decided to add spice to the bedroom by incorporating other women and couples. That proved to be most exciting but on occasion, we just wanted some one on one with new people. We stated that as long as there is honesty, it was all good. But apparently, since he wasn't going to come out and tell me that he wanted to fuck this bitch (An ugly bitch at that and he talked about how ugly she was all the damn time), he would always accuse me of doing shit so that it could make him feel better about what they are doing. Did i mention that this bitch has been throwing yourself at my man for about 6 months? She is the mother of one of the my x-man's daughter's friends. Bitch I know wher eyou live, where ou wok, where your child goes to school, etc. Why would you knowing fuck with a man that is with a crazy black woman. She's lucky that I'm a lady!!!! Anyway, I'm gonna try to get at least an hour of sleep because I have major drama to deal with tomorrow I am sure!

nizza ain't shit

It's funny how you realize that no matter what you do to try and have a happy relationship, some nigga does something to fuck up. I know i stated that I would tell you all about my freaky escapades, and I will in order for you to understand why I am so pissed off, but for right now, just need to vent! I have a man with whom I share a relationship that is quite different from most. We are both freaks and like to fuck! We made a pact that as long as we were honest with one another about what or who we were doing, we could pretty much fuck as much as we like. We I have held up my end of the bargain. i flirt with guys but i had not fucked anyone without him knowing. Of course he doesn't believe that....but whatever, I know the truth. Anyway, this nigga fucks an UGLY BROKE BITCH while I'm in Michigan helping my grandparents to celebrate 50 years of marriage. There were so many dead fucking give aways. NIGGAZ, why do yall think we ain't gone find out!!!! I came back the carpet had been cleaned, bedroom was all cleaned up, almost spotless, a condom was missing, he had ginseng in his cabinet, and he looked guilty. The sheets had been changed. Now I know yall are thinking the nigga was just sprucing up...BULLSHIT!!! I'm not fucking stupid. But I thought he creeped with a different woman from who it actually was...AGAIN, she was an UGLY BROKE CRAZY TRIFLING bitch!!! She betta had given the best head and pussy had to be the tightest and wettest there was! He just fucked up his relationship people. Tell me, you have a woman that allows you to have sex with others as long as you are honest. Even participates with the two of you and you still ain't happy??? Are there any men out there that would be happy with this because i am currently looking for a replacement!! Any takers????? Now i'm stuck, my aunt paid for his plane ticket to Michigan....gotta be nice til after.... the trip! That's two weeks so i will be posting a lot! get ready...

ok so where do I start....i guess i should begin where i realized that I am apart of the freak club. I was bout 16 and really loved sex. Of course I wasn't sure what it was that I loved about it then....was it the fact that I was being intimate? Naw. Was it who I was with? Nope...wrong again! I just loved being wild. Being free! But i didn't know how to express that. So by my supressing it, i wasn't happy nor sexually fulfilled. Then I became intimately acquainted with "BIG DADDY"! He turned me out and let me be me. We did everything imaginable including some stuff that I wouldn't have dreamed of in a million years. Boy I love the suspense....I'll explain later. It's time for Deal or No Deal! :)

Wow...it's funny how you can pull so mch inspiration from people in your life. A friend of mine started a BLOG and sent her "shameless plug" to my email address. At first read, I didn't know what the hell I was reading our who it was about. This is for several reasons...1. I didn't catch the connotation of "Shameless Plug" (I'm a little slow sometimes and I don't even smoke weed...anymore....just kidding") 2. She seemed so grown and evolved. 3. i just really don't pay attention to shit.

I have to stop and remember hell, we are grown as hell now and people do change. It inspired me to share a few things myself....thus brought about the title.

As the days go on, I will start sharing some of my freakiest, most romatic, or just plain fun encounters. You will get to know me in a sense that you would have never imagined. it's gonna be like my DIARY EXPOSED. I guess I can't ask you to keep it to yourself because...well....hell, i'm sharing it on the Internet. ENJOY!!!!